I have been debating for a couple of days whether or not to actually post a blog about this past Tuesday. I knew when I began blogging over a year ago things could get pretty personal. I try to keep my blogging fairly lighthearted and at times comical. I wish I could say this was one of those times.
Here goes nothing.
On Tuesday we went in for our 12 week visit and started with the ultrasound. The tech was making small talk while I was getting situated, but as soon as she began the ultrasound I could feel her mood change. I knew immediately something was wrong. There were tears in her eyes. There was no heartbeat, no movement, my heart sunk and I lose it. Sweet Taylor is trying to hold it together but I can see the tears filling up in his eyes. Our Doctor comes in to confirm the obvious and tells us the baby stopped advancing between weeks 9 and 10 and that there is nothing we could have done for the baby. Is this really happening? I am healthy, I never get sick so why should my baby be any different???
So here we are in a big blur. Not sure what to do with ourselves. One thing I can say is that I know God has a plan, and that our baby is in heaven getting lots of love from our grandparents. The other thing I know is that I am meant to be a Mother and Taylor is meant to be a Father. But for now it's going to be just the 2 of us, and of course Lola. I know miscarriages are common, but it sure doesn't make this any easier.
To our friends and family, thank you so much for all of the kind words and thoughtful flowers. We love you.
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